Varia's Reaction to
by The Infallible Detective
Summary: A collection of short stories illustrating the Varia's reactions to things in popular culture! From Nyan Cat to Antoine Dodson to WikiLeaks, they react to it all...because of Fran's prying ways. Crack!fic, some implied pairings include XS, B26. TYL!
1. Nyan Cat

It was a normal day, with Fran sitting in the common room on the sleek and relatively new Dell computer. He was trying to get away from any missions today, especially any with Belphegor. Sometimes, the blonde was just too unbearable for him. So, on his "iRanOverFrogger" account, Fran scoured Youtube for some viral pleasure. He was lucky that only Lussuria, who didn't mind him slacking in the first place, and Levi, who didn't care that he was slacking in the first place, were in the common room right now. Fran clicked on a video of Keyboard Cat, and smiled, watching it play. Oh, Keyboard Cat. How amusing thou art, Fran thought. He heard footsteps pounding down the stairs, and knew that it could only be Squalo Superbia. Loud as shit with _everything _he did.

"Shark commander, the keys are still sticky from your escapades last night." Fran aloofly commented, pressing the barely budging shift key for emphasis.

"Vooooii, you can shove it, Fran!" Squalo yelled. "We'd better have some cereal left."

"Why do you want cereal, Squalo, when I made you eggs?" Lussuria cried. Fran felt the guy's pain; he knew what it was like to be unappreciated. He knew what it was like to—

Pop-Tart cat shitting a rainbow in _space_?

"Whaaaat?"

Fran drawled before clicking on the image. He placed the large pair of Skullcandy earphones over his ears, and plugged them into the computer. The annoying little ditty was bombarding his skull in no time. It was a cat. Shitting a rainbow. With the body of a cherry Pop-Tart. In space. This must have been what mind blowing was like. Fran knew that a few of his colleagues were still asleep. Especially Bel.

What better way to wake them up!

Fran placed the marker at the beginning of the video, unplugged the earphones, turned on the surround sound, cranked the volume _past _high, and then looked back towards Levi.

"Hey, you." Levi barely budged, but he gave Fran a glance to show that he was paying attention. "Do you think Boss would get angry if I~did this?"

The song blared through the Varia HQ, the beginning slightly confusing the people who were awake. Then the 'Nyan' started. Fran looked back at the computer screen and promptly favorited "Nyan Cat". Then he watched as Levi's eyebrow twitched in confusion. Lussuria was dancing along to the music, and Squalo…

Well, does his wrath need any introduction?

"VOOOOOIII! TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT OFF! IT'S ANNOYING!" Squalo roared from the kitchen.

"Get in the spirit, shark commander. It's fun!" Fran (unenthusiastically) waved his hands in the air to show that it was indeed "fun".

Then he got knifed.

"Hey, Froggy! The Prince was still asleep, and you're blasting that crap!" Bel was grinning, but there were angry veins protruding from his skin. Angry veins meant a stabbed Fran.

"Get in the spirit, Sempai. Wheee." Fran once again slowly waved his arms back and forth, only to get five more knives in his frog hat.

"The Prince is merciful, so you have until the count of three to turn that off…"

Just then, the song faded out. Bel and the other patrons that were awake nodded and muttered in relief (all except for Lussuria, who wanted it to play again). Squalo continued into the kitchen for his cereal, and Bel came down the stairs, demanding that Lussuria make him pancakes. Levi tossed a hand over his forehead, and all seemed to be going okay.

Until it started again.

When Bel was busy demanding fluffy whole wheat pancakes, Fran had taken to opportunity to drag the video marker _aaall _the way to the beginning. Lussuria danced into the kitchen, and Fran was met with a face full of yellow fin tuna. No doubt, that was Squalo's doing.

"Ooooww." Fran called, loud enough for Squalo to hear.

"I SAID TURN IT OFF!" Levi could have sworn Squalo's yell made the ground shake.

"Boss is going to wake up," Bel said wearily, "And then we'll be in deep—"

"Shit. You pieces of trash are in deep shit." Xanxus was standing at the top of the staircase, already dressed and menacing. "FROG SCUM, turn that shit off. I've heard it twice. Turn. It. Off."

"You got it, Boss. After this part though, 'cuz it's my favorite."

Xanxus started to come down the stairs, his right hand on the handle of his gun. Fran was still waving in tune to the music, his face just as unreadable as ever. Instead of taking the gun out and _shooting _Fran like everyone thought Xanxus would…

He went and pistolwhipped the Mist Ring user. Fran fell off of the computer chair, and Xanxus slammed the handle of the gun into the computer screen. All everyone heard was a good bit of static.

"G-good morning, Boss!" Levi said, springing up from his position on the couch.

"Make sure we get a new computer. And _keep Frog Scum away._"

With that, Xanxus went into the kitchen to acquire nourishment for his rage. Bel just laughed, and poked Fran's hat repeatedly with the sharp, pointy end of his knife while holding a plate of pancakes.

"Ushishishi~. Want to know a fun fact, Froggy?" Bel mockingly sang, still poking (torturing) Fran.

"Humor me, fake prince." Fran drawled, feeling the right side of his face go numb.

Bel promptly shoved a knife into Fran's hat, and then stood up, heading towards his room to eat. "Pancakes are better than fucking Pop-Tarts."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yep, I stopped writing a bit of my original stories and am now addicted to crack. KHR! Varia!crack that is. I love writing for these guys; they're so loud and...disruptive. Yet, I might have made them OOC. If I have, it's a sad thing because I've read so many fanfictions about them that I could write a book. But instead of book writing, I'm writing about them reacting to Nyan Cat. And general popular events and things that have been going on. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**


	2. Rebecca Black's Friday

**A/N: I had so much fun writing this! I don't really like Friday; it kind of spoils the day of the week for me. Especially after my school's teacher lipdub. No. Just...no. Anyway, I might have made a few characters OOC. Forgive me. Lussuria, give me a disclaimer!**

**Lussuria: Detective-Sempai doesn't own us. Or we'd be funny all the time!**

**I...guess that counts as a disclaimer. Have fun reading; I know I had a damn good time writing.  
><strong>

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><p>Oh, how Fran loved hacking into Bel's computer account. After the new monitor had come in, Fran was back to his froggy ways. It was easy to guess the password; the Prince was either murderous or narcissistic. Of course, it took Fran two tries to get in. Ones for the murderous side, and once for the narcissistic.<p>

"Mm…what would Sempai put as his password?" Fran pondered the thought for a second, and came up with his solution. "Istabehthefroggy." No luck there; he was still locked out. But Fran knew that Bel would probably spell it that way. Fran chuckled in spite of himself; he just loved demeaning his superior when he was asleep. "PrincetheRipper."

Bing! Fran was in. What was today, anyway? Friday? Fran shrugged, and he immediately flew to his iRanOverFrogger account. Youtube was his pleasure and his pain when his subscriptions didn't upload anything. It was like the antidote that got him by. It was something strong like a drug that got him high*. Fran swore that if he argued it correctly, he could become the child of Youtube and get billions of dollars. I mean, what human being came out looking like Fran? It was like he was recolored on Microsoft Paint. But then again, what human looked like Levi? Some unlucky sap's science teacher.

Anyway, Fran scrolled down the screen, trying to see if any one of his subscriptions did _something_. Oh, and one of them did! They disliked a song named…

Go figure. Friday!

Fran's mouse slinked over to the dark blue link. 'Friday-Rebecca Black [Original]'. Fran hoped it was good; he needed a good pick-me-up song right now. Especially after his "argument" with Bel. Fran had challenged the superiority of pancakes, and Bel berated Pop-Tarts until they took care of the issue with foreplay. Needless to say, both items sucked in the art of erotica.

"Froggy~. Come back to be—where are you?" Oh, shit, Bel knew. Fran quickly clicked on the link—double clicked—just to ensure that Bel would be slow in attacking him. The half naked Prince was already at the top of the stairs, a fan of knives ready to be lodged in Fran's frog hat.

_Ooh-Ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah._

"…Ushishishi…F-Froggy…" Bel sounded…nervous? Oh, holy shit. He was out of character! Fran turned back to monitor to turn down the volume, noticing that the opening was too loud. It would wake everyone up. But it was too late.

_Seven a.m., waking up in the morning_

_Gotta' be fresh, gotta' go downstairs._

_Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal._

Fran and Bel stood in silence, listening to the lyrics and the voice. Fran gave Bel a look that Bel was excited to see, if the song hadn't paralyzed his arms. Fran was begging, with those eyes of his… 'Please, knife me now, sempai.'

_It's Friiiday, Friiiday,_

_Gotta get down on Friday_

"Voooooooooooooooooooii!" Bel and Fran turned, and literally saw Squalo's door get ripped off its hinges. Was that the force of his yell? Once again, his wrath needed no explanation. "FRAN! Get off the computer!"

"It was Bel-sempai." Fran said, pointing up nonchalantly at the innocent Prince.

"What?" Bel exclaimed, tossing his knives at Fran. "Ushishishi…you fucking liar."

"No, it's true. Bel-sempai went on his account, and I told him to stop, but he went to pee, and he pinched my ass and told me to stay here."

"I'd never pinch your ass, frog!" Bel said, a few veins visible near his strained grin.

"You did last niii—" Cue Fran getting knifed in the head again. "Ow. I'm just telling the truth."

"Shut it off, before Boss starts—"

"Raving about how _fabulous _this song is!" Lussuria skipped down the stairs, humming the tune of the song to himself.

"It's like the _My Immortal** _of the music world." Squalo grumbled. And then his head snapped towards Lussuria. "You _like _it? Well, you like _My Immortal***, _too."

"That's not nice, Squalo~!" Lussuria said, grabbing at Squalo's arm. The one-armed swordsman pulled away from the flamboyant male, stalking towards the monitor. "TURN IT OFF, FRAN!"

"It's restarting by itself." Fran said. And just as he said it would, it started again.

"Boss is going to be pissed—" Bel started. But like last time…

"Again. This _shit _again? Frog scum, I said OFF the computer!" Xanxus was coming down the stairs, his red eyes fixated upon Fran. The green haired male turned towards the monitor, and then cast an illusion that it was actually Bel on the computer chair. "Damn it, trash…I can't get a fucking wink of sleep around here!"

Xanxus whipped out his right gun, and shot at the computer chair, effectively reducing it to ash. Then, once again, the computer monitor fell victim to the gun's barrel. Xanxus turned to Squalo, and approached the silver-haired second in command with a scowl.

"Go get me some tequila and sleeping pills, trash."

"Vooi! Why does it have to be me; make Bel or Fran do it!" Squalo protested. He was barely involved in the incident, aside from yelling at Fran.

Xanxus reached up, grabbed a lock of Squalo's hair, and brought the male closer to his angered face. Squalo swore that the rest of Xanxus' scars were showing. "Either you get me what I want, or I'll be sure to take you out like the trash you are."

"Take me out to dinner or a mov—Augh!"

Squalo was on the ground in a moment, having been shamelessly pistolwhipped(*x4) like Fran the day before. As Xanxus went back up towards his room, he turned back to all in company when he was at the top of the staircase.

"I swear, if I can't sleep through the morning tomorrow, you're all getting taken out like the trash in the kitchen! Speaking of, someone clean that shit up!"

"Yes, do what Boss says!" Levi seconded, bursting out of his room.

"SHUT UP, SCUM! I'm in the mood for bringing the pistol to someone else's face today(*x5)!"

"But Boss' pistol only belongs to Squa—" Bel knifed Fran in the head again to shut him up. Seeing that nobody else would interrupt him, Xanxus stormed to his room and slammed the door behind him.

It was silent for a while. "I'll start on breakfast! Friday, Friday~!"

"VOOOOII! SHUT UP, LUSSURIA!"

Fran took the knives out of his hat, wondering if Xanxus would ever get a full morning of sleep.

"Nah. We're all too noisy for that. Isn't that right?"

"Froggy, who are you talking to?"

"Our audience, sempai. Say hiiii."

"Ushishishi~? Froggy, they don't like you. They like me. Now come on. Breakfast."

"I'm not hungryyy."

No. Because even now, Xanxus was grinding his teeth because both Bel _and _Fran broke the hell out of the fourth wall.

* * *

><p><strong>Footnote Time! Varia's favorite part of the story. Because it's the end.<strong>

* **- That's a Coldplay reference. **

** - **The worst Fanfiction of all time.**

*** - **Which I can actually see Lussuria liking.**

*x4 - **I can always, _always _see Xanxus pistol whipping someone. Can someone say "winning"?**

*x5 - **It might be OOC, but I can imagine him saying this, too. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Many more to come~.**


	3. Geddan'Get Down

**A/N: This was a special request from Torataro, who wanted me to chronicle the Varia's Reaction to Geddan/Get Down! I have to thank Torataro for introducing me to that splendid gem of meme. It was amazing. They didn't do much reacting since they were all Geddan. Geddan all over the place. That's the most addicting song they put it to, too. Ah, my god.  
><strong>

**Fran: Thanks for the request, Torataro. Oh, by the way, KHR! doesn't belong to Detective-Sempai. Neither does the Varia. We're just being borrowed.**

**Yes, Fran, yes. Hope you enjoy, Torataro!**

**Oh, and as an afterthought, I do take requests! I know my memes, but not all of them. So anything you guys find funny and catchy, leave a review telling me what you'd want the Varia to react to next! **

**Xanxus: As long as you fucking keep me in character, I'm fine.**

**NOW, onto the madness!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>It was a normal day for…<p>

Bel. _Yes, _we're starting with Bel.

Because, you see, Fran wasn't awake yet. Or, so Bel thought. He had spent the night in his own room after snatching Lussuria's laptop. Yes, Lussuria had bought a laptop, just because nobody in the base would let him get the Dell in pink with a sparkly caricature of Ryohei on the back. Lussuria bought his own laptop just to have Ryohei in a uke pose. It was hilarious, to say the least. Just because Ryohei looked so strange in a uke pose.

Disregarding that, Bel was going to check on his walking pin cushion since it was three in the afternoon and the frog hadn't surfaced. Bel heard the trill of music in Fran's room, and his interest was piqued. What the hell was he doing? The Prince never knocked on the door for anyone except for Boss, and Fran was definitely no exception. Bel opened the door, and…

Fran was having a seizure.

"…Froggy, what the hell are you doing?" Having a _seizure_, Bel. I _just _said that. "He's not having a seizure."

"It's called the Geddan, Bel-sempai." Fran said, stopping his highly unusual dance. Bel was simply confused. That rarely happened to Prince. So, guess what happened to Fran?

Knifed. Yes, but of course! Because whenever Fran does things Bel doesn't understand, he gets his sharp, undeserving punishment.

Getting off of Fran's ever-present torture, the two stood in the middle of Fran's room, the song tapering off. To his detriment, Bel felt that he should…seek it some more. It was odd to see Fran doing that…thing. Before he put it on the Dell downstairs, Bel decided to play it again. That meant shoving Fran out of the way to get to the laptop.

"Bel-Sempai, doooon't." Fran flatly pleaded. But it was too late.

_Get Down!_

All of a sudden, both Bel and Fran were moving in spastic poses and motions. It was like some stop motion picture; they were jumping and doing Bruce Lee sky kicks and just overall spazzing out. They stopped for a moment and raised their hands in the air, shaking their hips from side to side. Then they spazzed a bit more. Then they shook their hips again. Then atomic pelvic thrusts!

"F-Froggy, what the fuck is this?" Bel's grin was slowly tapering off; it was now the side of a regular grin.

"You do it well, Sempai." Fran said, starting to make those extremely spastic motions again. "Just go with the flow."

"The Prince will not! Shishishi, what the hell is this shit?" Bel was livid, ready to pull out his knives. "Stop this, Froggy!"

_Eternal Loooooooove~!_

After a few more seconds of physical torture, Bel fell to his knees on the ground while Fran stayed standing. Wh-what even was…Bel couldn't grasp it. That song had magical abilities! It snaked into your ears and then took control of your brain, thus causing you to make those…motions.

Either that or the game wasn't plugged in correctly*.

Bel regained his composure, stood up, and looked over to Fran. The young male was closing Lussuria's laptop, ready to return it to the flamboyant man with the red Mohawk. Bel suddenly had a great idea. If that song was magical after all…

"Uushishishishi~! Froggy, you're coming with me~." Bel grabbed Fran's elbow, starting to drag the poor illusionist downstairs.

"What are you planning, Bel-sempai?" Fran asked, cradling Lussuria's laptop underneath his arm.

"That song, as evil as it is, is magnificent! You're going to help me with my prank, ushishishishi~!"

Fran didn't like the sound of that. But he followed along anyway, seeing as how his day needed excitement. Bel ran towards the Dell monitor, shoving Levi off of the computer chair in the process. Bel opened two tabs; both for Youtube purposes. Levi stood up, glaring down at Bel.

"Belphegor, what the hell are you doing?" Levi asked. Bel had just typed in a song only fit for loud speakers and dark rooms with glow sticks. "You're going to wake up Boss again!"

"Ushishishishi~!" Bel didn't speak; he just continued to set the speakers to the highest level possible, and he waited until Squalo and Lussuria came down the stairs.

"Morning~! I'll start making some breakfast!" Lussuria sang. "Oh, Fran, you have my laptop! You didn't harm my Ryohei, did you?"

"…I'm not that heartless." Fran sarcastically replied. Lussuria seemed not to care as he plucked the thin laptop from Fran's hands.

"Vooooiii! Bel, I know you're up to something over there!" Squalo yelled. He then started to approach Bel, brandishing his sword. "If you so much as—"

Bel pressed the play button on the video, the song Sandstorm by Darude**. Squalo literally got blown back from the force of the speakers, and Levi was knocked back onto his stomach, his body being pushed against the floor. It didn't take long for Xanxus to burst out of his room with his guns already blazing. Bel and Fran had to work quick, before—

"You fucking pieces of trash. ONE morning of sleep. You scum can't even do THAT right! You're all getting fucking shot!"

Fran worked on putting the earphones over Bel's ears and well as his own, but he had to wear his around his neck and then placed the actual earphones on. Damn that frog hat! Xanxus took a shot, and almost grazed the top of Bel's head.

"The next shot won't fucking miss!"

Bel was almost done…load, page!

"Fucking load!" Bel shouted at the computer. "The Prince commands you!"

"Say your prayers, trash!"

_Get Down!_

Squalo, Lussuria, Levi, and Xanxus had stopped in place, their bodies starting to move on their own. There were several murmurs of 'whaaat?' and 'what the fuck?' and 'what the hell?', but The four unlucky men didn't have time to be shocked. Their bodies started moving in the strangest motions they've ever had the displeasure of feeling; Lussuria had burnt scrambled egg on his face multiple times, Squalo was biting his own hair, and Xanxus kept jumping up for a roundhouse kick.

"You trash; what the hell is this?" Xanxus roared, stopping only to do his atomic pelvic thrusts along with the other three.

"Ushishishishi~! You can get down, Boss~." Bel teased, ignoring Xanxus' brief death glare before he started spazzing out again.

"VOOOOOIII! STOP THIS!" Squalo yelled, starting to get dizzy.

"Sempai, it looks like Levi is doing the worm on the floor."

"Ushishi? It does!"

_Eternal Loooooove~!_

It was when everyone was in the throes of their last few seconds in the hilarious predicament when Bel and Fran noticed something. In a few seconds, Xanxus would shoot them at point blank range. In a few seconds, Squalo would try to chop their heads off. The two men looked at each other, and watched as Xanxus, Squalo, Lussuria, and Levi stood still, in a sort of post-Geddan haze. All heads turned to Xanxus as he twitched, rubbing his right temple.

"I-I'll kill you all…" Bel and Fran both tensed a bit. "…tomorrow. Trash made me need to lie down…"

Xanxus stalked back to his room, and Bel and Fran let out sighs of relief. They were spared for another day!

"VOOII! Don't forget about me; you assholes aren't getting away with that! I'll kill you both!"

"Ushishi~? I'd like to see you try, you fat shark!"

Bel and Squalo each got their respective sharp, pointy objects out and proceeded to battle in the common room. Fran sat back on the couch and watched, Lussuria fixing cups of coffee for both of them. Fran was amazed, though like always he didn't let it show. He didn't burn, maim, destroy, or disfigure the coffee. A proud day for Lussuria's culinary improvements!

Oh, Levi? He tried to crawl to the couch, but ended up getting stomped on by Squalo. Poor Levi! He never catches a break.

"You should give him one, Sempai." Fran, stop breaking the fourth wall! It's bad. "Yeah, yeah."

And finding their fight boring, Fran made the illusion of Bel and Squalo doing to Geddan to entertain himself for a few good hours. Ah, it was good to have the Mist Ring sometimes.

* * *

><p><strong>What time is it?<strong>

**FOOTNOTE TIME! **

*** - The whole Geddan/Get Down meme started with a glitch in the game 007 Goldeneye. If the cartridge wasn't inserted all the way into the N64, the characters would start to spazz out. Someone put it to the song Promise. **

**** - That song is awesome, if only for it's music video. It's like "running, I'm running, I'm running-I'M ON A BOAT!". It belongs in every club known to man. **

**Remember, if you want requests, then just leave me a review. I'll try to get to all of them, I promise!**


	4. Trolls

**A/N: Hello, everyone! That'll be two chapters in one night! damn, I'm awesome. I don't think I broke the fourth wall with anyone. It seems like Fran finally knows his place in reality. Anyway, Xanxus, give me a disclaimer!**

**Xanxus: ...**

**Oh, Lord Xanxus, please grace these readers with a disclaimer.**

**Xanxus: Detective Scum here doesn't own KHR! or the Varia. She's just a lowly trash heap.**

**I guess the 'anus' in your name isn't just coincidence...**

**Xanxus: The fuck did you say?**

**Nothing! On with the chapter! On with it; don't watch this grizzly scene!  
><strong>

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><p>Xanxus had demanded a morning of sleep and god damn it, he was going to get it. Just to be assured, he had Squalo unplug the stereo system downstairs. Needless to say, Squalo wasn't happy about getting waken up for something so trivial. That added with the fact that it was only six in the morning, and he wasn't exactly ready to get up yet. So, as Squalo stomped away from the Dell computer, Fran was busy creeping out of Bel's room to get to the computer. The two had a mission at eight o'clock, so Fran wanted to get as much viral trash in his head as possible. When Squalo was out of sight, and Fran was assured that Bel was still sleeping, the green-haired illusionist crept down the stairs, turning on the monitor immediately. There were five accounts (Fran was still upset that his account was deleted. Well, Xanxus <em>did <em>tell him to stay off the computer. But that will not stop Fran!); one for Lussuria, one for Bel, one for Levi, one for Squalo, and one for Xanxus. Fran had thought about screwing around on his account, but Xanxus had named it "Do You REALLY Want To?", putting a halt on Fran's diabolical plans.

Breaking into Bel's account again, Fran was shocked (but didn't let it show) when a newsletter popped up onscreen.

"How funny." Fran said, pausing to read the headline. Something about a forum. "Sempai can't read."

Fran clicked on the link to the forum, and he was directed to some gothic-looking site where people were giving their opinions on…them? Bel's forum name—big surprise; Ripper—was highlighted in bold crimson, and some creepy blood effects were dripping from it.

"Sempai has no life, being on one of these."

"Ushishishi. Froggies shouldn't be peeping." Fran looked behind him, and saw Belphegor dressed and accessorized with the silver crown, as necessary.

"So this is what you do when you're not in your room at night. You're on here." Fran said.

"Yeah, yeah. Did anyone reply to me yet?"

"It looks like it. It reads; 'Yeah, yeah, fag. You say you'll cut us up, but it's the internet. You don't know where I live, so you can't do anything. Go back to fapping on your cousin's back, you inbreed redneck.'" Fran and Bel sat in silence; Fran staring at the comment and Bel's grin seeming painfully strained. "Surprisingly accurate; you probably are inbred, sempai."

"Shut the fuck up, frog." Bel lodged a knife into Fran's back, and then shoved him out of the way. "This fucker…"

Squalo, finding that he couldn't go back to sleep, came out of his room to acquire some really good eats. And by good eats, we mean cereal. He totally got some Cookie Crisp at the store, and he was enjoying it. He poured himself a large bowl, and then came out of the kitchen to see Bel and Fran crowded around the computer. At least they weren't making any noise. Squalo walked behind them, took a large bite of his cereal, and stared at Bel typing furiously. The words that he was typing were just as violent as the motions of his fingers.

"Voi, what the hell are you doing?" Squalo asked, his words slightly muffled by the cereal in his mouth.

"Bel-sempai got in a flame war with some noob." Fran said. "But Sempai seems like the noob now."

Bel took one hand away from the keyboard to jam three knives into Fran's hat. The male just blinked, and didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was used to it. Squalo watched in amusement; Bel rarely got "angry", so seeing him in a flame war was interesting. He pulled up a chair, and watched the chaos.

**Ripper**: Peasants shouldn't get out of line. They get cut.

**UMANightmare24**: That's your only good insult, y'know? Get a life. You're getting fired up over the internet.

**Ripper**: You're arguing back to the Prince; hethinks you should take a look in the mirror.

**UMANightmare24**: Who started the argument, idiot? All I did was post a simple comment about how Squalo's hair makes him look like my Old Italian grandma—

"VOOOOII!" Squalo suddenly yelled, knocking over his bowl of cereal. "That little shit!"

**Ripper**: But you see, the Prince is the only one allowed to berate Squalo.

**UMANightmare24**: I bet you're not even real royalty.

**Ripper**: I bet you your sister's virginity that I am, ushishishishi.

**UMANightmare24**: WTF?

**Ripper**: I win. Ushishishi. Go die.

**UMANightmare24**: You're twisted and need mental help.

**UMANightmare14 **has left the chat.

Bel lifted his arms into the air, smirking in victory. "The Prince wins! Always."

Squalo tossed his empty cereal bowl at the computer screen, the porcelain bowl shattering into pieces. Bel and Fran left for their mission just as Lussuria came bounding down the stairs. When Lussuria was at the foot of the stairs, all he saw was an angered Squalo, a shattered cereal bowl, a mess of Cookie Crisp on the floor, and smoke lifting from the keyboard.

**Ripper**: Vooooii! You piece of shit! I do _not _look like an Old Italian grandma! Your grandma is probably bald with saggy ass tits!

**UMANightmare24**: If that's how you feel, grandma. Just remember, I have the power to put you in a nursing home.

**Ripper**: You little fucking shit! Go die! Vooooi!

**UMANightmare24**: Can do, granny.

**UMANightmare24 **had left the chat.

* * *

><p>Hayato Gokudera leaned back in his computer chair, feeling satisfied with himself. The idiots in the forum were just as fun to insult as they were to win over with logic. It was early, yes, and it did seem like he had no life at all. But he just couldn't help it; arguments online were so easy to win. Except for the sister's virginity part. Anyone with <em>Bianchi<em>? Ew. It was like imagining two old people. Gokudera stretched, yawned, and then went downstairs to get some Cookie Crisp. It was the last box, and some long-haired fucker almost got his hands on it. He had to go for a smaller box. Hahaha! Gokudera won at life. Gokudera poured himself a bowl and then started for his room.

Until the doorbell rang.

Gokudera frowned, heading towards his door. Who the hell would be at his door at eight in the morning? Probably Baseball Freak, trying to invite him to another ball game. Gokudera didn't have time for that shit. Gokudera opened the door, and there stood Fran and Bel, the latter grinning like his usually creepy self.

"…What the hell do you want?" Gokudera asked.

"We traced your IP address, UMANightmare24." Fran held up a small BlackBerry, which had a large red dot on Gokudera's house.

"Wh-Wha…Y-you're…" Gokudera glared at Bel, whose grin simply grew.

"Ushishishi~. Now, where's your sister?"

Meanwhile, while Bel and Fran were having fun torturing Gokudera, Xanxus finally remembered what he was missing.

He forgot to shoot the hell out of Bel and Fran for that..._dance_ yesterday.

"My week has been nothing but trash..." And Xanxus downed another shot of hard tequila.

* * *

><p><strong>There's no footnotes this time! And yes, I did want to put Gokudera as UMANightmare. Because, I mean, Smokin'Bomber24 would have been way too obvious. And I can see Bel betting someone's virginity. Yeah...I can. More Fran's than anyone else, though.<strong>


	5. Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt

**A/N: Before we begin, I want you guys to know exactly what's going on. So, if you want to see the final episode of Gainax's latest troll on humanity, I suggest you watch Panty and Stocking With Garterbelt Episode 13**

**Part 1: http:/ /www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=R8AT62usGMQ **

**And Part 2: http:/ /www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=D-8hruTMyOs&NR=1 **

**I know in this chapter I probably made everyone OOC. It's hard since P&SWG makes almost everything shit crazy to the point where it's unrecognizable. But, I mean, my reaction was "WHAT THE FUCK?" and yeah. So. Oh, and my internet might be shut off for a while. But in the meantime, I'm working on two requests; "Leeroy Jenkins" (From Torataro~!) and "Bed Intruder" requested by my friend at school, who simply wanted to be named Cobalt. So, I'll put those up tomorrow if I do have internet, and some time in the near future if I don't. Thanks for reading! Leave it to me to forget this was a request from one of my friends on Gaia. They deserve a shout-out, too. xD  
><strong>

**Anyone who actually watched the final episode, tell me how you reacted. Lol. Squalo has a sore throat, so I have to do the disclaimer myself. Ahem. I own nothing!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Before the actual plot begins, we need to see just when the Varia got involved in Gainax's latest shit, Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt. Surprisingly, it was all Levi's fault. As we all know, he's solely concentrated on Xanxus and has no sense of personal space. Combine this with a Photobucket search engine and you get Levi looking up pictures of Xanxus. However, there was one picture that grabbed his attention. It was Xanxus with two girls on his arms; one a bombshell blond and the other a cute gothic chick with two toned hair; dark violet on top and pink on the bottom. Levi then proceeded to go on the forum he dedicated to Xanxus, and asked other fans of Xanxus just who the girls were. Someone replied that they were Panty and Stocking from the anima Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt. Levi was intrigued. He went on to search for episodes, and he got addicted. He showed the show to Lussuria, who showed it enthusiastically to Fran, who just passed the news on to Bel, who tortured Squalo with the theme song on repeat, who finally went to Xanxus and told him to kill Bel who was annoying him. And even if they denied it, the Varia was addicted to it. Xanxus would usually watch it first, disregard it, and then act like he never even watched it. Squalo would do the same. Bel, Lussuria, Fran, and Levi were the only ones who openly watched it.<p>

And it is on the momentous day of the final episode of Panty and Stocking With Garterbelt that Fran had gathered everyone in the common room. Lussuria had premade popcorn, which nobody really wanted to eat anyway. Everyone had a drink, whether it was marmalade juice or some good ol' Del Maguey Pechuga. The screen was loading, and the sound was pumped straight up. The Varia members were waiting with anticipation, some appearing more excited than others. Xanxus, of course, was sitting in front of the monitor. He always gets front row seats to everything good or bad.

As the episode started, Panty had gotten kicked out of her home, and she had gained her hymen again. Brief's junk turned into a key, and Panty lost her powers. Then there was a scene with dogs and cats doing the do.

"What the fuck…?" Xanxus muttered, but he used his tequila glass to shut himself up.

Then the randomness began again. Panty was suddenly…a girl on a farm. Then when Panty found a picture of her "grandmother", the grandmother and male farmhand got shot, making Xanxus, Squallo, and Bel either chuckle or outright laugh. Then, after a motivational speech, it was all shown to be some stupid movie set.

"VOOOOOII! What the fuck; I thought that shit was real!" Squalo yelled.

"Shut up, trash, and get me some tequila."

"They're talking about Brief's junk…His wiles…they keep bleeping out 'penis'." Fran said.

"I could make that key more than able to fit~!" Lussuria said.

"Ushishishi. Shut up, both of you." Bel said. "Panty's being kick ass right now."

"She stripped." Fran said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Shut up, trash. One of you get my fucking tequila bottle."

"That was a sickly sweet moment."

"Ushishishi, here comes the porn."

"Stockin'!" Levi and Lussuria called, seeming genuinely surprised.

"Did shit just get serious?" Squalo said, walking into the room with a tequila bottle for Xanxus.

"Yeah." Bel said, yawning.

"Oh, he fell in!" Levi and Lussuria called. "What…the hell is coming out of the ground?"

"Ew, that's disgusting." Fran said, taking note of the scarred Corset.

"Garterbelt actually wears a garterbelt?" Bel asked.

"It's a penis."

"With erosive…"

This finally caused some order to be reestablished as the characters started fighting—yes—a gigantic penis. When it came to Gartbelt's death, it caused Bel and Xanxus both to laugh.

"Oh! My! Goood!" Squalo yelled loudly.

"You can see the string that pulls his afro." Fran said, sipping his juice. "It's still a huge penis."

"Froggy, shut up. We're at the climax." Bel hissed, stabbing Fran in the head.

"Irony~!" Lussuria sang.

"They made a kick ass gun." Xanxus muttered. He took a sip of his tequila, and only spit it out when Panty and Stocking shot the gun backwards. "What the fuck; they're nothing but pieces of trash!"

"That looks like sempai's mom." Fran said, getting stabbed in the head with multiple knives. "Ow. Sempai, I'll bleed out like that."

"So, a lower body dropped from the sky, and stomped a boner back into the earth?"

"Ushishishi. Looks like it, shark."

"God! My! Oh!"

"Shut up, scum! Owari! I'm going back to my room."

"There's more, Boss! Please stay!" Levi said. If Xanxus left, he would have no more reason to even watch. So, Xanxus took a seat, and Levi refilled his glass. The group watched with some anticipation. Xanxus took a sip of his tequila, and watched as Stocking proceeded to cut her sister into pieces. Needless to say, the tequila came right back out.

"What the fuck?"

"VOOOOOII! This isn't—SHE'S A DEMON?"

"Ushishishi. What is this shit?"

All Fran did was shake his head.

"Gah, that's why I hate Gainax!" Lussuria wailed.

"I think we got trolled." Levi said.

"Fucking trash Gainax! That's bullshit!" Xanxus yelled. "Before I forget…you fucking scum over there." Xanxus turned to Bel and Fran.

"B-Boss?" Bel turned to Xanxus, and saw him drawing his guns slowly. "Wh-wh-what?"

"Don't think I forgot about that fucking stupid Geddan dance."

"O-oh…"

Fran had already left Bel behind, calmly walking out of the door and shutting it behind him. Xanxus fired two warning shots; one Bel's left and on at Bel's right.

"Ushishishi! Fucking frog; why'd you leave without me?"

Bel ran for the door, and narrowly avoided a shot at his leg that would have immobilized him otherwise. To Bel and (secretly, thought his face would not show it) Fran's chagrin, Xanxus calmly walked out of the Vongola HQ. The chase was on.


	6. Bed Intruder

**A/N: Hey there, everyone! I be workin' on those requests, like whoa! But I have to study and read too, two things I've been neglecting ever since I started this. What can I say; crack is addicting. xD *Gets knifed***

**Speaking of knives, Belphegor is giving the disclaimer today~.**

**Belphegor: Ushishishi~. If she owned us, she'd be using Fran as target practice with the Prince~!**

**I guess that counts...let's begin! Bed Intruder Chapter Go!**

* * *

><p>Fran, it was always fucking Fran. Always Fran on the computer, always Fran looking for videos, always Fran trying some new computer game; Fran, Fran, mother fucking Fran. Bel thought of changing his password, but it wouldn't be as true to the Ripper spirit. So, Bel kept it, and got harassed with Youtube alerts about one of Fran's stupid subscribers putting up a video. It annoyed the knife-wielding prince, but he wanted his time with the forums, too. Lussuria had stuck to his laptop lately, and Levi found no pleasure in the computer after Panty and Stocking ended. So, it was mostly Bel, Fran, Squalo, and Xanxus who used it now. Not that Xanxus ever let anyone see him plug away at the computer.<p>

Well, getting off who was and who was not on the Dell, Fran was sitting at the screen again, actually checking a news report. Yes, Fran can read the news and effectively retain information. As he read the report, he noticed that the man with the red bandanna was on Youtube! Almost everyone was on Youtube; Fran wasn't surprised. So, off Fran went into viral cyberspace, looking for this "Bed Intruder". Fran noticed the man with the red bandanna, nodded, and than adjusted his frog hat before giving the link a click. The parts of the frog hat that covered his ears partially hindered his hearing when the video started. Fran quickly rectified the problem, and listened closely.

_He's climbin' in your windows,_

_He's snatchin' yo' people up, try'n rape 'em_

_So ya'll need to_

_Hide yo' kids,_

_Hide yo' wife,_

_And hide yo' husband _

_Cuz they rapin' errbody out here._

Fran leaned towards the screen, intently staring at the man. He would have to hide Bel-sempai? Xanxus would have to hide Squalo? Well, that was simply silly! He was too fat to move anywhere. Fran leaned back and listened to the second part of the report.

_You don't have to come and confess_

_We lookin' for you._

_We go'n find you._

_So you can run an' tell that…home boi._

"Oh my." Fran slowly drawled, turning the monitor off. He had to alert Xanxus of this immediately.

Moving at an unhurried pace, Fran made his way up the stairs and towards Xanxus' room. More like a study than a room, but hey. Fran noted that he never actually saw Xanxus crack open a book and read. It was all for show! But for who? Fran knew the hard, dirty truth. Who was he trying to impress?

"Booooooss." Fran called, knocking on his door.

"What is it, trash?" He heard Xanxus call.

"I have something to show you and Squalo and Bel sempai."

"…"

Fran walked away from the door, deciding that Xanxus would come down on his own time. In the meantime, he implored Lussuria and Levi to come and listen to the report on the monitor. But where the hell was Bel-sempai and Squalo, Fran wondered as Lussuria and Levi went downstairs.

"I sent their lazy asses on a mission." Xanxus answered, walking coolly down the stairs. "Hurry and show me this stupid shit, frog scum."

"Riiiight…"

Fran went down the stairs, and quickly took a seat, putting on the news report. Unfortunately, the speakers were not plugged in, and they couldn't hear the first few seconds. Due to Lussuria's (unusually!) quick thinking, he plugged the speakers in just in time.

_He's climbin' in yo' windows,_

_He's snatchin' yo' people up, try'n rape 'em,_

_So ya'll need to_

_Hide yo' kids,_

_Hide yo' wife,_

_And hide yo' husband_

_Cuz they rapin' errbody out here._

The four men were silent for a while. Xanxus was the first on to speak.

"There's a fucking rapist running around?"

"That's horrible!" Lussuria said, placing his hands to the sides of his face. "What do we do?"

"Simple; we lock up the castle and don't come out! We must hide Lord Xanxus!" Levi said. He actually made a legitimate point. Well, aside from the 'hiding Xanxus' part. He could fend for himself.

"I think we should protect Fran!" Lussuria said, grabbing onto the small man's shoulders. "His lily white ass is on the line!"

"Tch, scum's got a point. Fine. Lock this place up. Levi! Get me my bottle of tequila; I'm in a bad mood."

"Yes, Lord Xanxus!"

Levi ran to the kitchen, and Xanxus started back up the stairs. Lussuria offered Fran to sleep in his room, but Fran refused almost instantly. He decided that he'd rather get raped by a stranger than by a Ryohei-deprived Lussuria.

* * *

><p>It was night, and the Varia HQ was locked; double locked, triple locked, and checked over by a paranoid Levi. The doors were all securely locked, as well as the first floor windows. The four remaining members in the Varia were convinced that any bed intruder wouldn't get into the second, third, fourth, etc. floor windows. Fran decided to stay up though, just lying in bed while staring up at his ceiling. It was a bit interesting, believe it or not.<p>

While the Varia HQ had gone into Operation Bed Intruder, Bel and Squalo were returning from their mission. They were walking upon the front of the HQ, which seemed eerily quiet. Squalo scoffed, and started to walk towards the front doors, ready to use his sword to "knock" on the door. Bel followed close behind, his arms folded over his chest. Squalo gave the door a harsh tug, being met with not a budge.

"What the fuck? VOOOOIIII! OPEN UP!"

Levi, who was on guard duty, sprang up from his position on the couch, and approached the door. "Wh-Who is it?"

"Who the fuck do you think, Levi? Open the fucking door!"

"I'm onto your games! Get out of the vicinity before I destroy you!"

"VOOOOOIIII!"

"Ushishishi. Obviously, Levi's acting like an idiot. Let's sneak in through Fran's window."

Little did Bel know that Fran was already sleeping, and that his room was pitch black. Bel and Squalo walked away from the front doors, and took to the trees, scaling the west wall of the castle before reaching what they knew was Fran's window on the second floor. Bel noticed that his window was locked (making Fran the smartest amongst his fellow Varia members because he took heed of the 'climbin' in yo' windows' line), and pulled out a knife accordingly.

"Voi, what the hell are you doing?"

"About to get inside. Ushishishi, watch and learn, fat shark."

Bel hopped onto the window ledge, unknowingly waking up Fran in the process. The green haired man had his bat, and all he was doing was waiting until the intruder entered his room to give him a face full of Louisville Slugger. Bel picked the lock to the window with no problem, and carefully crept inside Fran's room. He looked around, and then waved Squalo in. Fran carefully got up from his bed, and took a hold of the bat. Bel and Squalo continued to walk forward, out of Fran's room and preferably to their own rooms so they could wash and get ready for a well deserved drink and a well appreciated bowl of Cookie Crisp. But those hopes stopped when a bat hit Bel square in the face. Squalo jumped back, watching the blonde fall to the ground.

"VOOOOOOOOOOII! WHAT THE FUCK, TRASH?" Squalo raged as Bel got up from the ground.

"I caught the bed intrudeeeeeer." Fran said, waving his hands in the air. Then he went to turn on his lights. "I fell asleep with this stupid hat on…"

"Y-y-you fucking frog!" Bel hissed, taking out two fans of knives. "What did you call me?"

"It was to be expected…Bel-sempai seems like a rapist type." Fran said, the light stinging his eyes.

"Ushishishi~. Froggy, you're going to fucking die." Bel said, coming closer to Fran. But that was before Levi, Lussuria, and Xanxus stuffed themselves into Fran's room. "Oh, what the fuck?"

"VOOOI! What are you all doing here?"

"Bel, Squi, you're rapists?" Lussuria asked, staring at them.

"Who the fuck told you that?" Squalo asked.

"Antoine Dodsooooooon." Fran retreated to bed, his drawls becoming more frequent and lengthy.

"You mean the guy with a red bandana that lives in LINCOLN FUCKING PARK, AMERICA?" Squalo asked, his voice rising dramatically at the end of his sentence.

"…so you aren't rapists?" Levi asked.

"No!" Bel and Squalo yelled, their glares resting on the back of Fran's head.

"Bel-sempai."

Bel's grin grew, and he pulled out quite a bit of knives. All meant for that adorable head of Fran's. Fran didn't feel any fear. More than anything, he was a bit shocked Bel hadn't attacked him earlier.

"What did you hit me with anyway, froggy?" Bel asked, rubbing his nose. Was it broken?

"A Louisville Slugger."

"That's the last time you listen to fucking Taylor Swift." And on that note, the back of Fran's head was filled with gleaming silver knives.

"Bel-Sempai, it's Carrie Underwood…"

"Ushishi, does it fucking matter?" Bel adjusted the crown on his head so that it was at the right angle, and then proceeded to walk out of Fran's room. "Boss, Idiots."

Squalo stormed out as well, purposefully shoving past Xanxus. Who in their right mind would believe in that shit anyway? The door slammed, and Fran started the arduous task of picking knives out of his frog hat. The only question remaining was…

"You listen to Carrie Underwood, too?"

Sometimes, Fran really did hate Lussuria's flamboyant ways.


	7. Leroy Jenkins

**_Ugh_. Not having internet is a terrible ordeal. Almost as bad-no-just as bad as not having any air conditioning.**

** Belphegor: Ushishishi. If you would just give in and come to base, you'd have enough A/C to reverse global warming.**

**Anyway, as it turns out, I've written a lot of installments of this. And as such, I'll be posting them soon. Since I have a Broadband card, it's easier for me to update! I wanted to make a series, too, where the Varia get dogs. It wouldn't be your usual pet story...but I'll probably put up a test chapter. Anyway, I'd like to be seen off with a disclaimer. Squalo...**

**Squalo: Voooooooi! You made me look bad in this; FUCK YOU!**

**...I don't own KHR! or any products or merchandise related to it. If I did, Squalo wouldn't look bad...I'm sorry, Squalo...**

**Squalo: Sorry doesn't fucking cut it! (Secretly goes to his room and cries) That's it; fuck the fourth wall; I'm killing you!**

**T-T-T-Torataro, I hope you like this-sorry for the wait-AAAH! SCARY SHINY SWORD! (Flees from Squalo)  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>Thumbs up—let's do this—LEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEENKINS!"<em>

Squalo was up at half-past two in the morning. Why, you may ask? The responsible answer would be "getting ready for the mission that's going down in about three hours". However, you can't hide the fact that Squalo was being purely _ir_responsible and just watching Youtube videos before he had to go place his life on the line for a bunch of disrespectful fuckheads that didn't give a shit about him. To get over this lack of respect and TLC, he went on Youtube to find a pep talk that he would _never _get from Xanxus (but he'll never tell _anyone _that. He was just looking for...strategies. Off of...WoW). Strangely enough, when he searched for 'pep talks', he got 'Leroy Jenkins'. Squalo clicked on it, got the college student screaming his own character's name, and then felt...inspired.

Yes, with this treasure, Squalo Superbi could take on the world! He would just...modify it to his specifications. Yes, of course. Because it would be weird if he yelled someone else's name on the battlefield.

Fran, Bel, Xanxus, and the other Varia scum woke up, already dressed and hungry. Lussuria said he'd make breakfast, and Levi went to brew coffee for his beloved boss. Squalo shut down the computer, seeing as how the fight between the small upstart Famiglia the Roids was going to start in less than a few hours. Squalo walked into the kitchen, slammed his fist down on the island where everyone was currently seated, and then he let his forehead hit the hard marble. Bel's laugh reached his ears, and he swore that he would kill him. This morning was _not _the morning!

"Ushishishi. I heard _Squalo_ on the computer all night yesterday. Didn't we hear him, Fran?" Bel asked, stroking his right fist with his left palm. Ugh, it was _such _a contrived Gendo pose*. Squalo had no idea why Bel started doing that. Obviously too much time on TV Tropes**.

"I heard him, sempai." Fran said in that usual voice of his. "He was loud."

"Voooooi, why do you brats have to fuckin' listen to everything I do?"

"Shut up, scum." Xanxus mumbled over his mug of morning coffee—I know; I thought he was on an all-liquor diet, too. "You shut up." Geez, testy.

"So, should we make a plan now or when we actually get on the battlefield?" Lussuria asked, putting some hot bacon on a platter.

"Ushishi. The prince _loves _bacon. Fran, get me that platter."

"Bel-sempai, it's right in front of you." Fran drawled, downing his orange juice. Bel shoved Fran towards the platter, causing the green haired boy's mouth to be chock full of skillet fresh piggy goodness.

"I said get it for _me_, not eat it, fat ass Frog!"

"You pushed me, Bel-sempai." Fran once again complained.

"Ugh...Lussuria! Make me some fucking toast!" Squalo yelled. He would have yelled "voi", but it was breakfast and he was tired. His really rambunctious "voi" cries required energy.

"Coming right up, Squ-chan!"

"Vooooi, I told you to stop calling me that!"

Lussuria popped some pieces of bread on top of the stove—without a pan; Lussuria can make toast _without_ pans! And plus, the bread would get cool swirly marks—and then drank the rest of his sugared down coffee. Levi kept refilling Xanxus' coffee mug. Bel and Fran started to argue over the remaining bacon strips. Squalo finally got his toast. Squalo let his head hit the table as he devoured the toast with black swirly designs on the back. It was dees-gust-ing, but it would fill Squalo's stomach and thus his temper that would further fuel his "VOI!" When breakfast was done, the Varia geared up to get going. Lussuria had to grab his laptop and Fran—well...Fran just had to get his brand spanking new tablet with 3G software to use while he was outside creating illusions. I mean, what if they needed the power of the almighty _Cloud_? It was simply a requirement. After (irately) checking that everyone was ready, Xanxus led the Varia out of the base and into the gritty forests that surrounded their base and ultimately, their battlefield.

* * *

><p>"For glory's sake, we maaaaarch."*** Fran was reciting lines from 300, being one of the unlucky four that carried Xanxus' throne to the battle grounds. Fran was way to physically weak for this sort of thing. His brain was bigger by a long shot.<p>

"Shut up, Frog. Carrying this thing is stressful enough as is. Ugh, at time like these, I wish Gola Mosca was still around." Bel bemoaned. Royalty didn't carry thrones; they sat on them! This was a travesty and he would complain about it to Xanxus when the man was too drunk to aim correctly.

The Varia was trudging to the battlegrounds collectively known as Badger Hill. It was littered with badger holes and to be quite frank, smelled like a petting zoo. It was "icky", in Lussuria's words. Nobody really understood why the Roids wanted the fight on fucking Badger Hill. Were they mentally—stupid? At any rate, the Varia hid in the underbrush, watching the large, overdeveloped Roids family start coming up over the hill. Xanxus face-palmed, if only for the fact that they were disgusting to look at.

"Okay, so~ what's the plan?" Lussuria asked anxiously.

"Alright, scum, I'm only repeating this once." And at that, Squalo felt his heart spike, and his blood starting pumping. "Lussuria, you're handling healing and shit." Squalo's blood started to race. "Frog scum, you handle the fucking illusions." Squalo felt his blood start to race! "Leviathan, Belphegor, Squalo, you're handling attacking. Leviathan, if I want sirloin or tequila, you stop fighting and get it for me, damn it."

"Their women are terrible looking." Bel observed with a grimace. "There's around a good thirty of them."

Disregarding everything he had just heard, a _very _out-of-character smirk/smile crept onto Squalo's face. He lifted both of his thumbs, and then took out his blade. This was what he'd been waiting for. This battle, this moment to use the tips that the pep talk gave him! He would do it...he would seriously do it!

"Thumbs up—let's do this—SQUAAALOOOOOOOOOO SUPEEEERBIIIIIIIII!"

And then he jumped into the fray, screaming out his own name to the top of his lungs. It took the Varia a minute to recover. It was Xanxus, surprisingly, that recovered first _and _knew exactly what Squalo had done.

"Did he just rip off fucking Leroy Jenkins? DAMN IT, TRASH!"

Xanxus jumped out into battle, shooting and eradicating every deformed Roids head he would find. "Could" find would be an insult; Xanxus would find them, and kill them, because now he was just too pissed for regular words. If the rest of the Varia didn't head out and dispatch the Roids soon, they would be met with a platter of angrish accompanied by a tall glass of Flames of Wrath. So, the Varia went in to "take care of" the Roids family.

And take care of they did! They were completely successful in defeating the over drugged mafia family. They came away with a few scratches and all but hey. Ninety percent was a long way from one-hundred, wasn't it? While the Varia sat in the warming light of Lussuria's Sun peacock, Xanxus took this moment to glare at Squalo, who had gotten the worst beating out of everyone.

"So...what made you _think _that yelling your _FUCKING _name would help us win, scum?"

"Vooooi! You fuckers around here don't respect me, so I just took matters into my own hands!" Squalo retorted. Bel and Fran watched with amused and indifferent expressions, respectively.

"By screaming and then rushing in without paying attention to Boss' plan?" Levi yelled, getting in Squalo's face.

"Vooooooooi, we beat them, didn't we?" Squalo yelled in his defense.

"That's not the point; you acted like a fucking moron!" Xanxus yelled.

"A moron without a cause." Bel said, his signature laugh coming right afterwards.

"Voooooi! Shut the fuck up, brat! And maybe if I started getting some fucking respect from Viva la _Douche_—" Squalo motioned to Xanxus while yelling in Bel's face. Needless to say, Xanxus looked very _un_happy. No amount of Happy Meals could quell his anger. "—I wouldn't be screaming my own name as a fucking battle cry!"

"—hit, piece of shit—fucking—fuck—YOU TRASH! YOU PIECE OF TRASH; I'LL KILL YOU!"(*x4)

Squalo ducked, and barely missed a shot from Xanxus' right gun. Xanxus kept shooting at Squalo, intent on making a direct hit. Bel and Fran both watched with either extreme amusement or minimal amusement (respectively!) as their commander was ruthlessly shot at. Squalo screamed his name again, this time carrying on louder and longer than before.

"Hmph. This is a bad way to get over your loss of internet slash writer's block!" Bel yelled up to the sky. And then suddenly—oh, look!—a fire started on his hair! "...I _hate _you."

And it is with this scene that we're left—Squalo screaming his full name in a manner strikingly similar to Leroy Jenkins in a popular MMORPG, Xanxus shooting at the unfortunate commander, Levi trying to stop the chaos, Lussuria still handling the healing, Belphegor ramming his head against a tree to stop the fire, and Fran staring on at everything with that same bland look on his face.

It's weird how one Youtube video can snowball into such a frenzy.

* * *

><p><strong>It's footnote time! OH DESIRE~!<strong>

***- The Gendo pose is amazing. It's for a lot of evil villans. It includes the "finger pyramid of evil contemplation" and "Scary shiny Glasses". Obviously, Bel has no idea how to do it because he _rubbed _his fist, not intertwined his fingers.**

****- TV Tropes is also amazing; along with Know Your Meme. TV Tropes will keep you ensnared for hours. It's the bear trap you never want to get out of.**

*****- Coincidentally or not, this is the Detective's favorite line from that movie.**

**(*x4)- That's the definition of angrish; a whole lot of cursing and sputtering before just...letting loose.**

**Anyway, I know this chapter was amazingly short and sucked on top of it. I'll try harder in the future!**

**Levi: You'll still fail, woman!**

**'Fuck up, Levi!  
><strong>


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